New thoughts can come from taking a new perspective on things. One way to do that is to challenge the assumptions that exist. For example, is love really a feeling of desire or attachment? This is a common assumption, but what if we challenge this?
New Thoughts on Love
Desire and attachment can be strong feelings, and they are often called love in certain contexts. However, attachment can be for bad reasons too, right? Desire too can come from less than noble places. What is an alternative definition of love?
How about a recognition of value? Seeing the inherent value in a person, like the beauty you see in a painting or hear in a melody. You do not need to be attached or even desirous of beauty to enjoy it. You just have to recognize it. The enjoyment that you take in another's existence then could be a definition of love. At least the emotion.
Love is more than an emotion though. How much love does a mother have for her children if she feels fond towards them, but doesn't feed them? Love in this context has to include action, doesn't it?
This points up the real problem with defining concepts like love. There are seven or eight or perhaps a hundred things we want to communicate. They are each different, yet we have just one word for them. Maybe rather than re-defining love we need to create a dozen new words. Now there's an area for some new thoughts.
Random New Thoughts
Another way to have new thoughts is to just look for new ideas to replace old ones. Then you expand on the new idea, to see what value you might find in it. Here are some examples of new thoughts, without expanding on them (help yourself).
- Why do we encourage uniformed people to vote? Maybe it's better to encourage people NOT to vote, unless they are willing to educate themselves on the issues.
- Is multi-tasking really a sign of efficiency? Maybe the fact that we need to be so busy just to get what we want shows that our actions aren't effective enough.
- Why can't we pay less for a surgeon who kills more people on the operating table? Why not recognize that there are better and worse doctors, have that information available, and pay accordingly?
- How about wonder instead of faith? Faith is just believing without reason. Wonder is to marvel at the world and accept that we don't have reasons or explanations for everything.
Finally, what if our level of creativity, and ability to have new thoughts isn't just something that is set at birth. What if it is a systematic process, one that may not be recognized by those who use it, but can be identified and copied? All of us can train ourselves to have creative new thoughts.
Regardless of whether you are a student, work at home mom, a web designer, or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, prioritizing your work is critical to your success. Failing to prioritize your work load usually results in being extremely inefficient and extremely stressed out. How many times have you thought to yourself “I have so much to do today, how am I ever going to get it all done?”
There is no exact science to prioritizing, but there are several tips that should help you become a more efficient, less stressed version of your current self:
* Make a list – this may seem obvious but you’d be surprised at how many people try to organize their tasks in their head. You’ll often find that you feel a lot better just getting everything out so that you can see it in one place.
* Consider time constraints – what absolutely needs to get done today and what can wait until tomorrow or next week. Everything may be important eventually, but some things are more important now.
* Consider people constraints – all things equal, move things that other people are waiting on to the top of the list. If you know that your manager can’t finish his proposal without your part, that’s more important than the thing that you always do on Wednesday that could just as well be done on Thursday.
* Consider the consequences – are you going to get fired if you don’t do something? Is another task going to give you the inside track on that promotion? Those things should be more important than mildly inconveniencing the sales manager by responding to their email a day late.
* Re-prioritize as necessary – let’s face it, priorities change. As they do, update your list. It will give you a sense of control over the situation.
* Remove unimportant items – is there something on your list that you always push to the bottom and never end up doing? Then get it off the list. It doesn’t belong there.
* Don’t list EVERYTHING – only list crucial tasks. You don’t need to list routine tasks (like lunch) or menial tasks (like checking your email). Also, you’re going into too much detail if you put down prioritizing as a task.
* Do everything you can to keep your list small – this means saying NO sometimes. You are not other people’s gopher. Do your work and help other people with theirs when you have something to offer, but don’t do their work for them. Along the same lines, learn to delegate things to the people that are supposed to be doing them. Why book your plane tickets when you have an assistant for that?
Anger, while a healthy and normal reaction to disturbing situations, can be extreme to the point of violence. When a person experiences habitual episodes of angry or reckless behavior, there's a problem, one that must be dealt with. Anger management strategies are designed to help an individual return to a healthy, normal life.
Taking a time-out is considered a healthy management approach. Removing oneself from a place or person that makes a person angry is practicing time-out. Go for a walk or leisurely drive. Sometimes a physical activity such as running or playing sports helps release the built up energy. As your energy dissipates, so does the anger.
A second healthy anger management strategy is, owning up to the anger. The anger actually belongs to the distressed person. Only the person who's experiencing the anger issues can control their outbursts. When we are angry, our bodies react strongly-heart rate increases, muscles tighten and all body systems need to work harder. In the end, the person anger hurts the most is the one experiencing it.
Another healthy anger management strategy is to look back on those situations that troubled an individual and try to uncover ways to make changes. Not only may the person learn to evade these incidents but they may also decide to take what they've learned and try to deal with it without bursting into frenzy.
A fourth healthy management strategy is to confront the situation or person. Talk to the person or people involved calmly and try to resolve the cause of the problem. Often matters can be quickly worked out to the satisfaction of both parties involved. If they can't, it may be worth just walking away and deciding to agree to disagree.
Anger serves a purpose in our lives but don't allow excessive anger destroy yours.
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the success while others struggle for years and never seem to get anywhere? Are you one of those who always seem to struggle? Below are some hints on you can become one of those who achieve success.
*Try stepping outside your comfort zone once in a while. Great things come to pass when you make friends with your discomfort zone.
*Don't be afraid to make mistakes. There is an old saying that people who haven't made mistakes haven't made anything. Make mistakes and learn from them.
*Be aware of any negative thoughts you hold about yourself - challenge them, are they really true, if so what is the evidence? Are you giving yourself a hard time?
*Make an effort to try and look on the bright side of things. Purposely find something positive about the issue and focus on that. You can almost always see another side of things. It just depends where your bias is.
*Read some good uplifting books,
*Train yourself to finish what you start. Follow through - you owe it to yourself and others.
*Focus on the present moment. When you live in the past too much you stop living now.
*Learn what is important to you in life - is it love? Is it money? Is it your family? What do you love doing? Who/what makes you happy?
*Realize that setbacks and knocks are just a normal part of life. If life were brilliant all the time we would take it for granted and not appreciate it.
*Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
I’ve been in my own business for over 2 years. I’m in the business of helping ours. I show them an alternative store to purchase their items. They are less expensive and you receive a check for referring others. It’s a very simple concept. Sometimes so simple it’s hard to understand.
I’ve helped many switch stores and refer others. I give them every advantage possible. I give one-on-one training. I give them all the information I’ve acquired since I started so they may pass the word around. They receive a free website with free marketing training. They have an entire team to help them succeed. That’s the point….for everyone to succeed and make money.
I realize life does get in the way. Things pop up that we have no control. That’s just life. I’ve been able to work around every life situation. That’s why I love this business. It’s very flexible and easy.
Here are the 5 top reasons I think people quit before they even start:
1. They don’t know what to do next…..
2. It is actual work….
3. We have to talk to people…
4. Our friends and family have talked us out of it…..
5. I signed up and no one was there to help……
Here are the answers to those reasons:
1. They don’t know what to do next, so they just sit there. You need to step up and ask what is next. We have a training manual ready and waiting giving you step by step instructions. It’s very simple.
2. Yes, you need to work to make your business succeed. Everything in life is work. Nothing is for free. It’s really simple to make money. You just talk and show others the difference. Easy, right?
3. Yes, we do have to talk to people. It’s just like the commercials on tv. If you don’t know it’s out there how are you supposed to buy it, do it or work it? You are just talking to others, just like you would recommend a good book or restaurant.
4. Friends and family. Boy, they know everything and they have your best interests at heart, right? That’s partly true. When I started my family didn’t give me the support I needed. I got more accusations that it was a scam and it wouldn’t work. I set out to prove them wrong. Now over 2 years later, I’m still here and I’m still making money.
5. I’ve heard people say it didn’t work because when they signed up the person disappeared. I’m not like that. I email, call and set times to get together. Our team sends out a team email everyday to keep everyone in the loop. You have to do your part too. You need to show up to our appointments.
Let me ask you….who do you think will succeed in business out of these 4 people:
- 2 have cancelled without even trying.
- 1 is ready to cancel and has not show up to any of the appointments.
- The last one has been at every team call, talked to others and has taken every step described in the training manual to get her business off the ground.
Which one did you pick? The last one! Correct!!
I admit it, I’ve thought about turning in the towel when life got in the way. But I know I will not get to where I want to be if I quit. I want to succeed in my business. So I’ve stayed, worked harder and I have a great business to show for it.
My question to you is. If you are looking for a home business and you receive one-on-one training, free website, step by step training manual, team training calls, fantastic products everyone uses that are much safer for us and our environment, how could you fail?
I’d like you to read my next article called “How do you pronounce that?”
“How can I forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when I was growing up?”
“How can I forgive my spouse for cheating on me?”
“How can I forgive my best friend for abandoning me?”
“How can I face and forgive unforgiving abusers and manipulators?”
“How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?”
These are some of the questions about forgiveness my clients have asked me over the 37 years that I have been a counselor.
We have all been told that forgiveness is good for the soul, and it is. Yet forgiveness cannot be forced. We cannot will ourselves to forgive, because if we try to deny the anger, blame and judgment that may still be there, it is likely to come out at some point. So how do we reach forgiveness?
Forgiveness toward others is the natural outcome of forgiving ourselves and of taking loving care of ourselves. When we judge ourselves, we will have a tendency to project that judgment onto others, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we have forgiven them.
Let’s start with the first statement, “How can I forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when I was growing up?” My experience is that as long as you continue to treat yourself in the abusive ways your parents may have treated you, you cannot reach forgiveness. It is your lack of self-care that perpetuates the anger toward others.
As adults, we each have a wonderful opportunity to learn to treat ourselves with the love, respect, caring and understanding that we may have lacked as children. When we don’t do this, the past becomes the present as we continue to abuse ourselves in the ways we may have been abused, and then continue to blame others for how we end up feeling as a result of our lack of self-care.
“How can I forgive my spouse for cheating on me?” You will not be able to forgive a spouse until you fully take responsibility for your participation in the relationship issues that may have contributed to the infidelity. There are always ways you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself that put you in the position of being betrayed. As you look deeply within and discover how you might have betrayed yourself and learn to forgive yourself, you may reach forgiveness for your spouse, even if you end up leaving the relationship.
“How can I forgive my best friend for abandoning me?” The world tends to mirror to us whatever is happening in our own inner system. When we feel abandoned by someone, there is a good possibility that we have abandoned ourselves – that we have failed to attend to our own feelings and needs and have failed to be a loving advocate for ourselves. Once again, you will discover that if you learn how to take loving care of yourself, you will find your anger toward others gradually disappearing.
“How can I face and forgive unforgiving abusers and manipulators?” Others’ behavior actually has little to do with whether we choose to be judgmental or accepting and forgiving. When we learn to be compassionate rather than judgmental toward the wounded, manipulative side of ourselves, we will naturally be compassionate toward others’ wounded, manipulative behavior. Once again, forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of doing our inner work, of moving out of self-judgment and into self-compassion.
“How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?” You will stay stuck in anger and judgment, and in feeling like a victim, as long as you make others responsible for whether or not you forgive yourself. Others’ forgiveness has nothing to do with your own decision to judge or forgive yourself.
When you learn to move out of judgment and into compassion – first for yourself and then for others – you will find yourself forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of compassion.
I like to think that I have learned a lot of things from living my life. It seems my years have been filled with a whole lot of good things with a few really hard things in between. I have had the privilege of knowing a lot of really great people and I've enjoyed countless memories with each of them. I have been happily married for quite a few years and I've been blessed with several children. I feel pretty good today, but not every day seems to go this well. Some days life is hard, the people I love the most are annoying, and all I want to do is hide myself in a closet and cry. It is on those days that I remember the advice that my mother often gave me growing up. When I was having a bad day she would say, 'Honey, whatever happens today, don't forget to smile. Nothing is as bad as it seems.'
I've found that piece of advice helpful on countless occasions as I've grown. I remember in elementary school feeling like my life had ended because my pet turtle died. I was over his death just a few hours later when my best friend invited me over for a sleepover. Our time was full of smiles and laughter. Or in high school I remember feeling like life couldn't get much worse when I didn't get asked to the prom by the guy I really wanted to go with. My mom reminded me to smile and assured me that my life would turn out just fine.
The older I've gotten the more I've learned to face every day in life with a smile. Good days and bad days alike I try to face knowing that for the most part, life tends to work itself out and return to normal after a little while.
I think the biggest thing that has taught me to live each day with a smile on my face is having children. My kids have helped to renew the sense of wonder and passion that I used to live with. They have helped me to rediscover the possibilities in new challenges and they have helped me to seize moments. They are constantly doing funny things that keeping me laughing and that keep a smile on my face regardless of the stresses of my day.
Think about your life. Do you have reason to smile today? Can you find positive things to focus on regardless of the hard things that might be happening? I hope so. I truly hope that you are able to learn that whatever happens in life, living with a smile is a great thing.
When we first decide to make positive changes in our lives, we usually underestimate the amount of effort it will take. It's easy to dream and imagine a better life, but we also need to give form to our thoughts with decisive action. And that's where most of us get stuck.
Imagine that you wanted to build a house, and think about the process that needs to be put into place. You'd need to conceive the idea, buy land, draw up plans, order materials, hire professionals to do the tasks you can't, and finally, begin building the house. If you got as far as purchasing the materials and then sat there waiting for them to magically form themselves into a house, you'd be waiting a long time!
We need to use the same process to "build" the lives we want. We need to be clear on what we want (conceive the idea), draw up plans (set goals), and then take action to form our desires in the physical.
What most of us do, however, is say we want to change, but then act in ways that contradict that desire. There can be many reasons for this, such as the lure of old habits, fear, or low self-worth. Until we resolve the underlying issues, we will keep sabotaging our efforts to change.
If this describes you, and you've been struggling to make positive changes in your life and you just can't seem to do it, here is a 3-step plan to help you break through any walls that may be holding you back:
1) Identify and remove blockages. If you consistently avoid taking the actions that will bring about positive change in your life, there is likely something holding you back. It may be an old belief that you're not worthy of a happy life, or fear that you won't be able to handle the new circumstances, or just plain old resistance to change.
If you take some time to explore these feelings, you will be able to work through any limiting beliefs or fears. In fact, don't be surprised if you discover something about yourself that you never knew existed. You can explore your feelings by either writing them out, or speaking them aloud. You might start off with a prompt such as, "I feel afraid of . . ." or "I feel safe with my life the way it is because . . ." Allow your answers to come freely, and work on changing any thoughts or beliefs that will continue to hold you back.
2) Form decisive action steps. Another reason you might resist change is feeling unsure about the actions you need to take to bring it about. If you make a list of very specific steps that you can take daily, you will have a clear roadmap to the outcome you are trying to create. Think about the outcome, and then decide exactly which actions will bring you closer to it. Write them down and review them several times a day to be sure you are on the right track.
3) Make the right decisions. Adapting to change requires consistent decision-making. When you decide to quit smoking, you don't make that decision just once and be done with it. You need to make that decision over and over again as the cravings arise, until you no longer desire to smoke. If you decide to exercise every day, you will need to make that decision again each day, day after day, week after week - even if you don't feel like exercising initially. The same process applies to any changes you are trying to make in your life. Moment to moment, you need to choose the actions that will result in what you are trying to create. In order to do this, you may need to develop a deeper level of awareness about your own actions, especially if you find yourself automatically gravitating toward unproductive actions.
Remember that improvement is a process, and it takes consistent effort and focus. The good news is that once we begin the process, it gets easier every time we choose the right actions. Moment to moment, we do have the power to choose. If we take our time and enjoy the journey, we can't fail.
Although there are archetypes of symbols common to most people, it's usually better to go within yourself to discover the meaning of symbols in your dreams than to consult a dream dictionary.
Interpreting your dreams requires an understanding of yourself.
Most images mean different things to different people. For example, ask three people what the color "red" symbolizes to them and you can get three completely different answers:
· Blood
· Stop
· Love
Those answers couldn't be more different! Most images in dreams are like this, which is why YOU are the best person to interpret your own dreams.
During a counseling session, a therapist will sometimes ask you about your dreams. But rarely will they tell you what they mean. Why? Because the good doctor doesn't know what your dreams mean!
Rather he or she will ask you a series of questions to help you uncover the meaning of symbols and images for yourself. This will often involve free association exercises as well as a skilled discussion of your history with regard to the images and symbols in your dreams.
It can be a long process, but a very rewarding one that leads to life-enhancing revelations!
Remember - Dreams are meant to enhance your life while you're awake. They're important messages from the depths of your soul, and all dreams are meant to come true!
Learning from your dreams is powerful, but also fun!
While dreams are meant to enhance our lives and not just entertain us, there's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying their entertainment value along the way!
As you start to remember more of your dreams, you'll be amazed, and even dazzled, at the latent creativity in your mind. It's like getting free movies every night ... and they're all produced personally for you and customized for your needs.
My experience from 37 years of counseling individuals and couples is that most of the problems from which people suffer stem from how they handle the events of life, rather than the events themselves.
Certainly traumatic and tragic events such as loss of loved ones, financial loss, and health issues are extremely challenging. However, some people manage to move through these events with equanimity, while others remain stuck in fear, anxiety, and depression. The difference is in how people handle deeply painful feelings.
I have discovered that there are two core feelings that most people will do almost anything to avoid feeling: loneliness and helplessness.
Loneliness is an intense empty, sad, sinking or burning feeling within. This feeling can be triggered by four different situations:
1) Loss of a loved one.
2) Not having a partner, family or friends with whom to share time and love.
3) Being around others but being closed off to them.
4) Being around others when they are closed off to you.
Other than a traumatic loss, the latter is often the most challenging in everyday life, and this can occur throughout the day. For example, you walk into work happy and open. You greet your friend, and he or she barely responds to you. If you are truly open to your own feelings, you will feel a stab of loneliness. Yet most people are so closed off to this feeling that they immediately attempt to avoid the feeling with some kind of addictive behavior. They might grab a donut while shaming or blaming - telling themselves that they must have done something wrong or that their friend is a jerk. These addictive behaviors are geared to protect against feeling the pain of the loneliness. And they work for the moment to appease the feeling, but the feeling doesn’t actually go away. It just goes deeper within and may eventually cause physical symptoms, such as back pain or some form of illness.
Helplessness is a similar feeling to loneliness – intense inner turmoil. In the example above, not only do you have the stab of loneliness, but you also feel the pain of helplessness over your friend’s behavior. You cannot make him or her connect with you. However, because this is such a difficult feeling, you don’t want to know that you cannot have control over another or over the outcome of things. To avoid knowing about your lack of control, you may shame yourself: “It’s my fault. If I’m different, I can get others to be different.” Or you might blame your friend, attempting to get him or her to change. Both shame and blame are attempts to avoid accepting helplessness over others.
Once you turn to addictive behaviors such as food, alcohol, drugs, activities, shame and blame, you have abandoned yourself. In attempting to avoid feeling the loneliness and helplessness, you have created inner aloneness – self-abandonment. Self-abandonment occurs when your intent is to avoid pain rather than lovingly attend to your authentic feelings. The combination of avoiding loneliness, helplessness and the aloneness that comes from inner abandonment can lead to anxiety, depression and despair. People then often turn to prescription drugs to further avoid their feelings.
Managing the feelings of loneliness and helplessness is not as hard as you may think it is. If you practice the following process, you will find that you do not need to use your various addictions to avoid pain.
1) Stay tuned into your body/feelings so that you know when you are feeling lonely or helpless. It’s very important to be able to name the feeling, and it may take some time to recognize these feelings since you may have been avoiding them for so long.
2) Welcome and embrace the feelings, opening with deep compassion for these feelings. If you are connected with a spiritual Source of love and compassion, open to this Source and ask for help in being in compassion for the feelings.
3) Hold the feelings as you would a child who is hurting, with deep love and understanding. Just be with the feelings with deep acceptance of them for a few minutes.
4) Consciously be willing to release the feelings. Imagine the feelings of loneliness and helplessness moving through you and being released into the Universe – into Divine Love.
You will find that these painful feelings will quickly release if you practice these steps rather than abandon yourself in the face of painful events and experiences.
There are certain leadership ideas that we fail to identify and comprehend. Here is a short list of things you thought you knew about leadership.
*Leaders come in all shapes and sizes.
There are different types of leaders and you will almost certainly meet more than one type in your lifetime. Formal leaders are those we elect into positions or offices such as the senators, congressmen, and presidents of the local clubs. Informal leaders or those we look up to by virtue of their wisdom and experience. Both formal and informal leaders practice a combination of leadership styles.
*Leadership is a process.
Although some people seem to be born with leadership qualities, without the correct environment and exposure, they may fail to develop their full potential. You do not become a leader in one day and just stop. Lifetime education is vital in becoming a good leader for every day brings new experiences that put your knowledge, skills, and attitude to a test.
*Leadership starts with you.
As an adage goes "action speaks louder than words." Keep in mind that your trustworthiness as a leader depends much on your actions: your dealings with your family, friends, and co-workers; your way of running your personal and organizational responsibilities; and even the way you talk with the newspaper vendor across the street. Repeated actions become habits. Habits in turn form a person's character.
* Leadership is shared.
A leader belongs to a group. Each member has responsibilities to fulfill. Effective leadership requires members to do their share of work. To learn how to work together requires a great deal of trust between and among leaders and members of an emerging team. Trust is built upon actions and not merely on words. When mutual respect exists, trust is fostered and confidence is built.
*Leadership styles depend on the situation.
Most of the time, leaders employ a combination of leadership styles depending on the situation.
For the person who is dealing daily with anger problems, it is important to learn skills that will be effective in coping. Below I will cover three skills that may help in this cause. Not all strategies work for all people, so it is necessary to try until you find one that works for you.
*Acupressure. Tapping or rubbing the body achieves this technique. Briskly massaging your body when feeling tense and upset causes an individual's energy to move around their body, which results in relaxation. It is very difficult to remain angry when your body is relaxed.
* Keep a journal. When an individual writes about the situations that upset them, it helps to get the negative thoughts and emotions out of their head. By journaling about feelings and emotions, a person is able to rid their minds of unhealthy thinking and put them on paper. Keep track of what caused the anger, how your body reacted and what you did. You might further cover alternative ways you could have dealt with the situation. Next time try using the alternative method.
*Remove yourself from the situation.. If a person realizes they have difficulties controlling their temper, they might consider staying away from situations that may cause heated arguments. If a person has a regular pattern of lashing out during specific situations, avoiding the situation altogether should work. Some situations and people just tend to get you going. Avoiding them if at all possible takes away the negative emotion that comes with it.
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There are so many methods available for learning to control excessive anger. A person who recognizes they have such a problem can choose from so many there is bound to be at least one method that fits their personality. In the long run, taking this time, making this effort, will result in a much happier life for all involved.
Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You too need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life. Here are ten tips that can help you build that elusive self-confidence:
1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don’t notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.
2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost you’re a self-confidence, and help you achieve bigger goals.
3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goal. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly, and seek his advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.
4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.
5. Pay attention to how you look. Take pleasure in wearing good clothes and being well groomed. It makes you feel good. People too look at you differently. Remember that every human being wants to be found in the company of smart, intelligent, successful people. You can soon be a centre of attraction if you radiate a positive, smart look. It can very easily make the difference between success and failure.
6. Don’t be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell, and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to shrug your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes, and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.
7. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in his career. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.
8. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what’s going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don’t focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.
9. Take part in activities that you are good at. You may have excelled at things in the past and then given them up due to lack of time. Return to those activities again and see your self-confidence grow.
10. Pick up a new hobby or craft that interests you. It will keep you occupied. It will also increase your self-confidence as you become more skilled in it.
Try to practice these tips as faithfully as you can, and see the difference in your life.
Who has not watched intelligent, educated, good-hearted people unable to create the lives they desired, who eventually give up, consumed with despair and anger? They flail like gorillas on roller skates, with great strength, but no leverage at all.
Why does this happen? One possible answer is that they had theories, models for everything around them in life, but no way to check the accuracy of their ideas. They failed to grasp that EVERYONE deletes information from their conscious input. It is simply impossible to take in all the data that streams past our senses. Note the recent experiments proving that those self-identified with either the political Right or Left can see the flaws in the other party’s arguments, but not in their own. This is typical of religious or gender bias as well. Men and women, Christian and Moslem, Believer and Atheist…all are vulnerable to this tendency.
If we are to be successful salesmen, artists, leaders, teachers, or simply human beings, we must have a cosmology—a world view. But we must also have an epistemology—an understanding of the way we gather information, and a method to determine if our methods of gathering or correlation or extrapolation are accurate. Since experimentation with the outside world is often beyond us, the only laboratory we have to test our ideas is our own lives: our bodies, our careers, our relationships. To be certain, some aspects of these are beyond us as well, but we have infinitely greater control here than we have of events in the outside world, let alone events on the level of international politics. How can we address our customers’ needs if we don’t really understand human strength and frailty? How can a novelist create realistic characters if he indulges in massive self-deception? How can a parent or teacher help raise a child to maturity without actually maturing herself?
How, in other words, can we be certain that we actually know what we think we know? Consider the possibility that we can increase the accuracy of our thoughts through examining our interactions with the three major aspects of our own lives: our bodies, our careers, and our relationships.
1) Body. Our bodies are created by our daily behaviors. They obey the laws of physics: the balance between calories in and calories out must be maintained. But our emotions get in the way. Yes, some people have slower metabolisms than others. Perfectly true. But that is simply a fact, much like the reality that some are born into poverty. While it is more difficult for those with disadvantages to reach success, there are countless examples of those who have done so, and if you wish to be happy in life, you should study what they did, and keep your mind tightly closed to the nay-sayers. You have NO obligation to match some culturally determined standard of beauty, but you SHOULD feel healthy, have the energy you desire, and match your own values. How can you know if you do? Strip down in front of a mirror. Do you find your own body attractive? If not, you have work to do—either physically, or emotionally. Probably both!
2) Career. We have to balance income with expenditure. It is possible to be happy (or content, or at peace) in any life situation. If you are miserable at work, then it is your responsibility to either make change, or to change your own attitude. We’ve all known people who waste their entire lives blaming their jobs, when it is their own lack of courage and emotional/creative flexibility that keeps them locked into a joyless existence. Our money flow is based upon many things, including the degree of service we provide for our communities, the self-respect that motivates us to demand what we are worth, and the intelligence and discipline with which we manage our finances. Creativity, empathy, determination, energy, honesty, risk-taking…all of these things factor in. One can either make more money, or develop the ability to find greater satisfaction within the current financial level. But without the ability to find peace and satisfaction here, much of the joy of life will elude you.
3) Relationships. The savage truth is that, in relationships, you can have anything you can afford. The coin is passion, health, intelligence, self-respect, and confidence. Men and women get into terrible trouble because they are attracted to people more attractive than themselves, and can’t be honest about it. Women complain that men want beauty, while men complain that women want power. Get over it. We’re wired up that way genetically, although the specific symbols of beauty and power vary across culture and time. The sooner you stop complaining about this immutable fact, the faster you’ll be able to make decisions about the level of beauty or power you are willing (or able) to manifest in your own life to get what you want. And no, it isn’t fair. No one said life is fair. But each gender seems to think that the other side has rigged the game to its advantage. In fact, the less successful a man or woman is in this arena, the less likely they are to grasp a central truth: if women were men, they’d behave like men. If men were women, they’d behave like women. Stop finger pointing, and get into the game!
In each of these three arenas, there are painful truths we must face: human beings are wise, and good, and strong, and spiritual. Unfortunately we are also lazy, dishonest, confused, and childishly wish the world would simply recognize our genius and follow our advice. Why should the world, our customers, our audience, our children, listen to us when we cannot communicate honestly with ourselves?
In the creation of fictional characters, often all one has to do is create a flaw in one of these three arenas, and then create a plot situation that will teach the character a lesson they need to heal. In the world of advertising, almost all products are sold with an appeal to one of these three areas: sex, power, or health. Fail to understand how human beings are driven by these needs: or how almost EVERYONE fails to balance in all three of them, and you will miss a primary motivation in human history. If we cannot understand or effectively communicate with our own psyches. What hope have we to effectively understand one another?
Mastery is a road, not a location. We needn’t be millionaires with bodybuilder physiques married to movie stars with in order to progress toward clarity and power. But we must take responsibility. We must admit that we want health, and happiness, and love. And move with both discipline and joy toward a future we can cherish. What we learn along that road is the Truth of what we are. And the truth will set you free.
Scrabble, besides being a game that needs skills in strategy, it also calls for good memory to win the game.
Therefore, this word game can be used to help improve one's memory.
As you know very well, the key to the achieving of high points in this game is by forming words that contain a specified letter, such as "q" or "z".
To train your memory, try to remember the words contain the letter.
As tips, to make it easier, try to associate the word with something, such as your experience, friend, favorite movie, etc.
For example, to remember the word 'quiescent', you can associate it with one of your friend, who is quite by nature.
Another technique, which is my favourite to remember a list, is by combining the words together. For example, to remember some words which begin with 'z', try to memorize this sentence:
"The zany zebra in the zoo runs zigzag zealously and meets zookeper, zoologist and zoombie."
Notice that by combining them, at least you have memorized eight words that contain 'z' letter.
You can apply those techniques to remember things in your daily life.
A research showed that memory can also be improved by doing light activities that stimulate thinking power. The examples of such activities include playing scrabble.
Scrabble, as you know, needs a right strategy to win. Besides having to think about your next move, you also have to think to block up your opponent's move.
Concentrate better so your memory will improve more.
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. --Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)
We are busier than we have ever been, working long hours and feeling under more and more pressure. How do you spend your days? For many people work and pleasure are seen as separate, with work being a chore that has to be done to pay the bills. It doesn’t always have to be like that. Although we don’t have to love everything we do, we do need to gain some enjoyment from most of what we do. Take a moment to see if it is time to start afresh and do something you love, something that adds the pleasure factor back into your working life?
Think about what matters to you and why you do the things you do. For each person that means something different. What aspects of a job are important to you? List them. Think about your dream job. Does it motivate and inspire you? If not, think again. It has to mean something to you; otherwise you will not be prepared to put in the effort to achieve what you want. Ask: ‘What am I prepared to give up to make this happen?’ ‘What would I love to try?’ ‘What options do I have?’ ‘What are my talents, skills and qualities?’ ‘How can I utilise them in my ideal job?’ How can you take an idea and turn it into reality? Get creative and think through how you could make money doing what you enjoy.
Starting anew requires courage, confidence and commitment. Hold on to your sense of purpose. Believe in yourself. Ignore the critics, for there are bound to be some, and face your fears (there will many of those too!). Ask for help from those people who can assist you and get supporters to keep you motivated. Research things that interest you and, if necessary, go back to basics and learn new skills. Develop a clear vision of where you’d like to be in 10 years’ time – and why. Write it down. Be specific. This will provide you with something to focus on. Think creatively. This may not happen all of a sudden, but if you work at it gradually, day by day, it can happen.
And if starting something new is not for you, how can you love the job you already have? You can’t always control your situation, but you can always choose how you react to it. Your attitude colours how you face every day and has an influence on the people around you. Choose to be positive. Are there areas of your job that you can improve on? Who can you discuss this with? Is a change to a new role in the same company an option? Examine the possibilities. Your job does not define you, but how you do it does.
And why bother? Doing what you love gives you a good reason to get up every morning. Your life will be challenging, certainly, exciting, definitely. Doing things you enjoy which give you personal fulfilment and satisfaction has been shown to contribute to good health and longevity. Don’t wait for perfect circumstances to start. Begin now!
When we begin to feel lost or confused about various aspects of our lives, our first instinct is to search for direction. We feel sure that the answers we need are out there somewhere, and finding them will help us to know the right way to turn.
While seeking advice and guidance from others can be helpful at times, it is not always the best way to help ourselves. Rather than relying on someone else to tell us our truth, we can instead choose to look within and find the answers inside ourselves. Each of us has been given the gift of an inner advisor that will never steer us wrong.
This inner advisor is not pushy, however. He or she will not speak up unless we ask for help. When we finally open our hearts and minds to hear what our inner advisor has to say, the wisdom will begin to flow freely and our lives will begin to change for the better.
So, how do we tap this wealth of wisdom? Is there a request form we need to fill out somewhere? No, it's even easier than that, thank goodness. Following are tips to help you connect with your inner guidance and use it to create your best life:
1) Create a Harmonious Forum - our inner guidance flourishes in peaceful, quiet surroundings. If you've got a lot of noise and chaos around you, you won't be able to tap in and hear the wisdom waiting for you. Try to find a quiet place that you can relax in. You can also surround yourself with beauty by bringing in some fresh flowers, scented candles or incense, or even some soothing artwork. Whatever will help put you in a calm, peaceful mood.
2) Turn Within - if you're not a regular meditator, this can be tricky at first. You might wonder what the heck you're supposed to be turning "toward," or focusing on. The answer is simple: nothing. Focus on nothing. Simply close your eyes and turn your attention inward, to the silence within you. Random thoughts will probably keep popping in, but gently push them back out and return your attention to the silence.
3) Listen for Wisdom - if you've got a specific situation you're struggling with, this would be a good time to think about it. Try to do so without judgment, and without trying to come to any conclusions. Just ponder the issue and practice acceptance for what it is at this moment. Then ask yourself, "What would be the best course of action for me at this time?" Consider the possibilities before you, and think about how each one makes you feel. Most often, you will notice a difference between something that feels right, and something that feels wrong.
4) Let the Solution Materialize - if you don't recieve any insights initially, put the issue aside for awhile. By going through this process, you've already tapped into your inner guidance and asked for help. Even if the answer doesn't appear immediately, it will eventually. And in my experience, it doesn't take long! Just make an effort to stay open to the answer when it arrives. It will usually arrive in a flash of inspiration or insight that makes you say, "Ah ha!" Or perhaps it will be more along the lines of a subtle gut feeling, where you just know that one particular course of action "feels" right.
5) Act from the Heart - once you know what you need to do, act with confidence. Don't let worries or fears hold you back. Believe that your inner guidance knows what's best for you, and move forward with courage. Remember that there are truly no right or wrong paths in life, only experiences that we can learn from. By at least examining your options and considering which path is right for you at this time, you are making a wiser decision than you would otherwise.
At all times, strive to be your own master. There is nothing wrong with seeking knowledge and insight from others, but you aren't bound to mindlessly follow where they lead, either. You have the ability to find your own way and decide what's best for you. In your quest for knowledge, you will come across information that feels right to you, and information that doesn't seem to make sense. Use discernment and understand that there are many truths. You just have to find yours.
Good luck? Maybe you have heard that luck doesn't exist, but you can see that some people seem to always have better things happen to them than others. Whatever you call it, would you like to have the secrets that these people have? Here is one of them.
Be In The Right Place For Good Luck
Good luck is often the result of simply being in the right place at the right time. Fortunately, you can choose to be in these places at these times.
A friend once told me "Did you see that truck John bought for $2,000? It must be worth at least $6,000. He's so lucky!" I mentioned to my friend that John bought it at an auction, where cars often sell for less. In other words, he was in the right place.
"I went to that auction once," my friend answered, "but I didn't see any deals like that." John goes almost every other week, I told him. Of course he's more likely to be there at the right time to get the best deals. He's so lucky that way.
That's the whole lesson, but in case it didn't sink in, I'll ask a few questions to encourage you to apply it in your own life.
Where are you more likely to get a "lucky break" as a movie star: in Clinton, Ohio, or Hollywood?
Do once-a-year or every-weekend fishermen have more luck catching big fish?
Will you have better luck in love at a party, or staying home to watch TV?
If you want to be a great skier, should you move to Alabama or Colorado?
Good Luck Places
I could talk all the time about investing in real estate, and have nothing come of it. On the other hand, when I recently went to a meeting of the local real estate investors association and mentioned I was looking for a fixer-upper to invest in, it took just three days for someone to call me with a deal. Lucky people go where the action is.
This really is a simple secret. To apply it, start with a pen and paper and answer the question, "What good things would you like to happen in your life?" Then make a list of places where these things are more likely to happen. Then go to these places. Then repeat the whole process and while you are at it, apply the other secrets of good luck.
By the end of this article, I hope to persuade you that the individual’s personal development is best served outside the confines of any organisation to which they may belong.
We're informed that no two snowflakes are the same. When I tried to prove otherwise, the light fluffy snow melted in my hand before I could examine the details. Maybe you'll have to have an open mind or accepted it as true. Is it something you can prove? To remove a snowflake from Everest and compare it with the snow on the French Alps seems so impossible.
We are told that no two human beings are the same. There are body and stunt doubles who are similar in appearance but what about other qualities? We are called individuals because that's what we are. If you took identical twins and locked them in a room together their individuality will be evident in their different opinions, even though they've shared so many common experiences from birth.
We know that no two footballers are the same. Footballers with exceptional individual talent sometimes feel they are restricted by their club's rules. Wealthy soccer stars believe that their money lifts them above the club and they strive to be completely individual, both on and off the pitch. Club managers argue that no one player is above the club, so there is conflict.
We know that no two published books are identical. From all books that are published, you will not find two identical books by two different authors. It is impossible for two writers to write the same text word for word or full stop for full stop. Even non-fiction books written on the same subject by more than one author, express a different point of view. Recognised facts are challenged because everyone is entitled to an opinion. Some people still accept that the earth is flat.
We believe that no two self help organisational groups are the same. Some argue that organisations suppress the individual's quest for individuality within the group. The group imposes a set of rules to facilitate a common experience for all members. I have heard it said that an organisation is just the first step up on the stairway to knowing yourself.
The more you understand about yourself, the more relaxed you become. You may have found an organisation that helps you, but one set of rules that fits all may inhibit your own development. The best advice is to join an organisation where your own individual opinions are accepted and do not attach yourself to a group where you have to change your own thinking to that of the established organisation.
Does this prove my case? In a Sunday paper (March 2006), there was a report of a Benedictine monk who jumped from a second floor balcony to his death. He had devoted his whole life to the Church but after reading a book, it highlighted the uncertainties about his faith. He was tormented.
When individual’s personal development grows outside the organisation’s box, it’s time to move on. The monk had obviously been pulled back inside so often by external pressures that he had reached a place of extreme turmoil. His individual thinking failed to allow him to reach out towards the next step in his development.
The crystal globe of truth rested on the town’s walls for all to see. One day during a gale, it crashed to the ground. The townsfolk stampeded to spot. Several individuals picked up fragments, holding them up to reflect the light.
Each claimed that they had the truth. Maybe there a little bit of the truth scattered in all organisations and in all personal development information. Perhaps no one is the guardian of the whole truth.
So your search may be never ending. Exercise your freedom of choice to permit your own individuality to be recognised within a group and where you may be your own brilliant self. To supplement this quest, self-help information may build into an extensive personal library. I know mine has.
In summary, the organisation to which you belong must be compatible to your own individual opinions. You should find the truth no matter who holds it, but you have to be an individual to enjoy this freedom of thinking.
Who has not faced a crisis in his/her life? All of us do? The difference is in our response. Our response defines and decides our ultimate success in a crisis. Let us look at this
Calm - Some of us are very calm during a crisis. They will not easily show their emotions. Their mind might be under turmoil but their actions will not reveal that. This gives great confidence to others around. Calmness has another virtue. With calm mind, we can think coolly and decide about the course of action. That can increase the chance of success manifold.
Surrender - many of us give in as soon as a crisis appears. We are left with no strength to fight it. We don’t believe that we can over come the crisis and surrender. Our mind stos all-creative thinking and accepts the failure.
Disturbed - many of us get greatly perturbed during a crisis. We are so disturbed that we don’t know what to do. Our mind runs hither thither and we are totally confused. This creates real panic and confusion around and leads to failure most of the times.
Crisis has come. By getting disturbed or surrendering, it will not go away. Why not face it calmly. Why not count all the losses and try to recover what is left. Why not plan for future and go ahead accepting the losses cheerfully? These qualities make a winner in life.
Success is in the blood. There are men whom fate can never keep down they march forward in a jaunty manner, and take by divine right the best of everything that the earth affords. But their success is not attained by means of the Samuel Smiles-Connecticut policy. They do not lie in wait, nor scheme, nor fawn, nor seek to adapt their sails to catch the breeze of popular favor. Still, they are ever alert and alive to any good that may come their way, and when it comes they simply appropriate it, and tarrying not, move steadily on.
Good health! Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every hand-clasp.
Do not fear being misunderstood; and never waste a moment thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your own mind what you would like to do, and then without violence of direction you will move straight to the goal.
Fear is the rock on which we split, and hate the shoal on which many a barque is stranded. When we become fearful, the judgment is as unreliable as the compass of a ship whose hold is full of iron ore; when we hate, we have unshipped the rudder; and if ever we stop to meditate on what the gossips say, we have allowed a hawser to foul the screw.
Keep your mind on the great and splendid thing you would like to do; and then, as the days go gliding by, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the elements that it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought that you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual you so admire.
Thought is supreme, and to think is often better than to do.
Preserve a right mental attitude the attitude of courage, frankness and good cheer.
Darwin and Spencer have told us that this is the method of Creation. Each animal has evolved the parts it needed and desired. The horse is fleet because he wishes to be; the bird flies because it desires to; the duck has a web foot because it wants to swim. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed.
Many people know this, but they do not know it thoroughly enough so that it shapes their lives. We want friends, so we scheme and chase 'cross lots after strong people, and lie in wait for good folks or alleged good folks hoping to be able to attach ourselves to them. The only way to secure friends is to be one. And before you are fit for friendship you must be able to do without it. That is to say, you must have sufficient self-reliance to take care of yourself, and then out of the surplus of your energy you can do for others.
The individual who craves friendship, and yet desires a self-centered spirit more, will never lack for friends.
If you would have friends, cultivate solitude instead of society. Drink in the ozone; bathe in the sunshine; and out in the silent night, under the stars, say to yourself again and yet again, "I am a part of all my eyes behold!" And the feeling then will come to you that you are no mere interloper between earth and heaven; but you are a necessary part of the whole. No harm can come to you that does not come to all, and if you shall go down it can only be amid a wreck of worlds.
Like old Job, that which we fear will surely come upon us. By a wrong mental attitude we have set in motion a train of events that ends in disaster. People who die in middle life from disease, almost without exception, are those who have been preparing for death. The acute tragic condition is simply the result of a chronic state of mind a culmination of a series of events.
Character is the result of two things, mental attitude, and the way we spend our time. It is what we think and what we do that make us what we are.
By laying hold on the forces of the universe, you are strong with them. And when you realize this, all else is easy, for in your arteries will course red corpuscles, and in your heart the determined resolution is born to do and to be. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.
Patience is said to be a great virtue. How many of us are patient? For example, you need immediate medical attention and you reach your Doctor after calling him/her up. You find that you will have to wait for one hour. What would be your reaction/ would you take a magazine and begin reading or walk around impatiently?
All of us lose our patience at some point of time in our life. Some of us do it very quickly. For others it needs something big to disturb otherwise they are patient all the times. What is your patience? Have you thought about it? Certain ties in life, we can do nothing, but we still act impatiently. That does not help at all. It may hurt us.
What if you are stuck in a traffic jam? You want to reach for a meeting, but the traffic refuses to move because of some mishap ahead. Will acting impatiently help? No. it would be better to get cool and listen to some music or make notes of your work or plan of other things. Take this time as a gift and use it positively. This depends on us.
Success comes easily to those who understand their emotions and don’t let the emotions overwhelm them always. One who is always driven by emotions meets failures from time to time. We have to apply our mind and analyze every situation. We have to react after that. We have been given the ability to react by nature. Touch any hot object and you will get away immediately. That is natural. But reacting immediately in every situation can be bad for our career and home life. Patience plays a very important role in that.
Positive thinking will help you accomplish things that you never thought likely. Thinking big is the first step in realizing your dreams and meeting with success. Ideas and dreams are a good start, but will quickly fizzle without action. Below are some steps you can take to add positive thinking into your life. You will be amazed at how quickly things start happening when you do so.
* Take passionate action towards living your life by design. Talk is cheap. Action = deposits in the bank of a passionately authentic future. Without it, passion is negated.
* Commit to yourself as well as those you love to create forcefully a life you can love. Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your heart and soul, out of love rather than fear.
* Identify and embrace the idea that every moment is ideal despite of its ending. Every time you hit on something that may appear too excessive, why not give it a attempt and see if it will work.
* Dwell completely in a place of thankfulness. Learn to use what you have in your hands and make employ it in the most constructive way.
* Keep humor at the forefront of thought, laughing at and with yourself when possible. You may find yourself quite entertaining when you loosen up!
* Believe that you are the engineer of your fate. No one can take your passionate future from you except for you! Create your life genuinely. As long as there's still breath in your body, there is no end to how much you can achieve in a lifetime.
Without having some positive thinking in your life-you'll just end up as a dim bulb in a dark corner. Make your path and allow your inner light to shine brightly for the entire world to see.
There is an old joke about people who talk a lot: “Do you know the 12-Step program for people who talk a lot? On and On Anon!”
The joke recognizes that fact that incessant talking is a common addiction.
Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.
Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.
If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.
HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING
Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self - who feels very alone. This child feels alone because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.
The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.
If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.
As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs - will you start to take on that responsibility.
While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.
Ready to get lucky? There are many very specific techniques for generating luck in your life. One of the simplest is to just start looking for good luck. Yes, it really can be as simple as that.
Maybe you have noticed that when you buy a new car, you start to see similar cars all over? Of course they were there before, but now you are seeing them, because you are looking. It works this way with luck too. Start looking for luck and you'll find it. Start counting the ways you are already lucky, and you'll have even more luck.
Get Lucky Today
Some will tell you that God or the universe brings luck into your life once there's grattitude in your heart. It's a nice thought, but not my style. A less spiritual explanation is that when you acknowledge luck, and you look for more, you create a certain frame of mind. This frame of mind helps you take advantage of opportunities you might otherwise not recognize.
For example, if you are looking for a job, and a friend mentions a new business in town that is hiring, you might usually think nothing of it. Now, if you were watching for luck, and grateful for the good luck you've seen in your life, you might be more likely to check it out, right. A few weeks later you may be working for this company, making more money and saying "Boy did I get lucky."
You've probably heard the saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" This describes the frame of mind of a lucky person. Just seeing how lucky you are, even in small ways, makes the possibility of good luck more real to you, and this gets you watching. The watching gets you thinking, "How is this lucky for me? What can I do with this situation? How can I make lemonade from these lemons?"
Start counting the ways you are lucky in life, and the first thing you'll notice is that you feel better. A sense of gratitude is good for your soul, even if you're not religious. Start watching for more good luck, and it won't be your imagination when you start to get lucky.
Affirmations are spoken statements that can be of a positive or negative nature. In the popular sense of the term they are spoken commands made purposefully in order to change some aspect of our life. In order to fully understand how affirmations work and the science behind their use we must first look at the way our minds work!
When we are born our brains are like empty computers waiting to be fed information. As we grow our peers act as our programmers, they supply us with the knowledge which we channel through the conscious mind into the subconscious (our hard drive). The subconscious mind is the biggest hard drive ever developed - it stores everything we come in contact with and by no means is all of this information of a positive nature.
All that we have heard, touched, smelt, tasted and seen are stored in the recesses of our minds. The subconscious mind holds on to this information until we need to recall it. For example when you were young your curiosity lead you to investigate your surroundings. When you approached a substance that was dangerous, such as fire, your parents or guardians would most likely have rebuked or scolded you if you ventured too near the flame. Perhaps you may even recall an incident when you were physically burned. Your subconscious mind then began to relate scolding (or pain) with the intense heat of the fire and would therefore feed the feelings of the scolding incident back to you whenever you got too close to fire again, thus acting as an early warning system.
This is the mechanism used by our brains to learn. It is also the same method employed by the mind in every situation. The subconscious mind has a tendency to emulate what it sees - it tends to replicate its environment. This is why so many people find themselves in similar relationships and situations that they saw their parents in while they were growing up. Most people also hold very strongly or similar views of their parents.
Think of a time when you gave yourself praise. What words did you use? Do you use the same words that your parents or peers used when they were praising you? The same is applicable when you scold yourself.
Watch your internal dialogue. Look at it closely. It takes diligence to change the way you think. When you notice yourself thinking a negative chose to think the opposite. This way you neutralise the negative thought. Now the think the positive thought again! You have just reversed the negative thinking in that moment and remember you only have this moment. No other time exists! You are in the NOW.
The whole point of affirmations is to convince the mind that what you are repeating is the truth. As you verbalize your desire you will find negative emotions and contrary statements entering your conscious awareness. You must deal with these negative thoughts as they arise in order for your affirmations to work! Many people use affirmations with EFT or the Sedona Method in order to eliminate the negativity that comes up as a result of affirming something that feels untrue.
During your normal day daydream about what might be. Imagine things the way you wish them to be. If you catch yourself thinking "this is just a daydream - a fantasy" then stop! Think the opposite. It is not a daydream it is your reality. Now think it again. Release the resistance as it arises in whatever ay you can.
If you just repeat affirmations with no feeling, or worse, feeling that it isn't true, then you are actually affirming the opposite in your own mind! This is why some people find their situations actually getting worse when they work with affirmations. You must release the resistance by creating the feeling that the affirmation is true.
Bob Doyle goes into this approach indepth in his wealth beyond reason audio & video courses. I have found that affirmations will only work for me if I use EFT or the sedona method.
By creating the feeling of 'having it now' while repeating your affirmation you will begin to retrain your subconscious mind to think positively and you will ultimately begin to consciously create a life that dreams are made of!
Read the review of affirmware - the company behind a powerful affirmation software tool that can really boost the effectiveness of your affirmations!
Self talk is something we all do. We are always explaining things to ourselves, and making comments to ourselves. The question is, what are we saying? What we say to ourselves radically affects the quality of our lives, and our ability to do things effectively.
Are you using positive self-talk or negative self-talk? Below are some of the things that positive and negative people say. Look at the difference, and start talking to yourself in more constructive ways, if you don't already.
Positive Self Talk
Positive people explain bad things by externalizing them ("The weather caused it."). They consider them temporary ("That was a rough couple hours."). They see them as isolated ("THAT part of the plan didn't work, but..."). When they explain good things, they internalize them ("Life is great!"), consider them to be more or less permanent changes ("Now I know how to do this."), and generalize from them ("Things are working out well.").
"I've done well with this."
"This has become a great business to be in."
"I like the way things are going."
"That just went bad due to the weather."
"It was rough for an hour or two."
"The car broke down, but the trip was fun."
Negative Self Talk
Negative people explain bad things by internalizing them ("It's me again."). They consider them permanent ("It's always this way."). They generalize ("Life sucks."). When they explain good things, they externalize them ("That's just lucky."), consider them temporary ("That went well TODAY."), and see them only in a specific context ("At least THIS went right.").
"It's ALWAYS a mess when I meet someone new."
"This party is great, not like mine."
"This is fun for now."
"Well, THAT went okay, I guess."
"I screwed up again."
"This good weather won't last."
If you start explain things to yourself differently, you'll see a difference in your attitude today. Make positive self talk your normal mode of operation, and you'll see a difference in your life. One of the fastest ways to change your experience of life is to change your self talk.
We as human beings have a body and a mind. With the body, we move around and do work. With the mind, we think, and experience emotions. Imagine of a human being with no emotions whatsoever. Only a thinking machine who reacts to nothing emotional but makes scientific analysis. Imagine telling a joke to him/her. They will not laugh at it, but either ignore it or analyze the joke. They make life difficult for those around them.
After all what is a person without any emotions?
Why do we have emotions at all? Your computer on which you are sitting right now is a perfect machine to analyze, think and give results. It has no emotions. It is only an intelligent machine. Why are human beings not like that? Would life be better if we had no emotions? We would lose all the charm of living if there was no trace of any emotion in any of us. Let us take some situations. A death - people gather, complete the ceremonies and depart. No wet eyes, no remembering the dead soul, no sense of loss. The law of nature is simple. One who is born has to die. So only intelligent understanding of that but no feeling of loss. Can you visualize the scene?
Love, what is love, if not an emotion? So there will be no love. People will meet, produce children and get away from each other. No love, no romance. What about family? They may have a family for the children to grow up. Then the family will get separated. Coming to achievements, discoveries and inventions. Why will a person without any emotions, feel good by achievements or get excited with discoveries? So nothing great. Only minimum existence needs to be met. It is the time for us now in this discussion to imagine of everything we do in life. Practically all our actions are governed by emotions. Imagine a person winning an Olympics gold medal and walking away without any expression! Think of more situations and you will realize the role of emotions in life.
We have emotions, because we are not low-level animals. Because even dogs and cats have emotions. We have emotions because they make us enjoy life. They make us perform great things and they make us human.
By the end of this article, I hope to persuade you that the individual’s personal development is best served outside the confines of any organisation to which they may belong.
We're informed that no two snowflakes are the same. When I tried to prove otherwise, the light fluffy snow melted in my hand before I could examine the details. Maybe you'll have to have an open mind or accepted it as true. Is it something you can prove? To remove a snowflake from Everest and compare it with the snow on the French Alps seems so impossible.
We are told that no two human beings are the same. There are body and stunt doubles who are similar in appearance but what about other qualities? We are called individuals because that's what we are. If you took identical twins and locked them in a room together their individuality will be evident in their different opinions, even though they've shared so many common experiences from birth.
We know that no two footballers are the same. Footballers with exceptional individual talent sometimes feel they are restricted by their club's rules. Wealthy soccer stars believe that their money lifts them above the club and they strive to be completely individual, both on and off the pitch. Club managers argue that no one player is above the club, so there is conflict.
We know that no two published books are identical. From all books that are published, you will not find two identical books by two different authors. It is impossible for two writers to write the same text word for word or full stop for full stop. Even non-fiction books written on the same subject by more than one author, express a different point of view. Recognised facts are challenged because everyone is entitled to an opinion. Some people still accept that the earth is flat.
We believe that no two self help organisational groups are the same. Some argue that organisations suppress the individual's quest for individuality within the group. The group imposes a set of rules to facilitate a common experience for all members. I have heard it said that an organisation is just the first step up on the stairway to knowing yourself.
The more you understand about yourself, the more relaxed you become. You may have found an organisation that helps you, but one set of rules that fits all may inhibit your own development. The best advice is to join an organisation where your own individual opinions are accepted and do not attach yourself to a group where you have to change your own thinking to that of the established organisation.
Does this prove my case? In a Sunday paper (March 2006), there was a report of a Benedictine monk who jumped from a second floor balcony to his death. He had devoted his whole life to the Church but after reading a book, it highlighted the uncertainties about his faith. He was tormented.
When individual’s personal development grows outside the organisation’s box, it’s time to move on. The monk had obviously been pulled back inside so often by external pressures that he had reached a place of extreme turmoil. His individual thinking failed to allow him to reach out towards the next step in his development.
The crystal globe of truth rested on the town’s walls for all to see. One day during a gale, it crashed to the ground. The townsfolk stampeded to spot. Several individuals picked up fragments, holding them up to reflect the light.
Each claimed that they had the truth. Maybe there a little bit of the truth scattered in all organisations and in all personal development information. Perhaps no one is the guardian of the whole truth.
So your search may be never ending. Exercise your freedom of choice to permit your own individuality to be recognised within a group and where you may be your own brilliant self. To supplement this quest, self-help information may build into an extensive personal library. I know mine has.
In summary, the organisation to which you belong must be compatible to your own individual opinions. You should find the truth no matter who holds it, but you have to be an individual to enjoy this freedom of thinking.
